Endless Pain
by aduialtin
Summary: This is a cross over between Dnd and Skyrim mostly, it gets a tad bit x-rated and mostly I'm just tying up loose ends in the game and connecting Tamreil to X'endrik in some form or another. This is going to end up being an extremely long drawn out story, because I haven't decided will be in it, its a constant work in progress. I apologize for self insertion, my B.
1. The Beginning of The End

The Dragonborn made her home in Haafingar; it was fit to be a mead hall in Soverngaurd. It had nearly 70 beds, huge fire pits to supply food and heat to the entire compound. Even as the great Dragonborn, who saved all of Tameriel, she had made many enemies; so she kept her armory full of enough weapons to supply an army, and an army she had, or at least to the denizens of Skyrim she did. She refused to keep mercenaries as guards because all that stood between her and a blade at her throat was a higher payday from somebody else. All to keep her family safe, she always had regrets about being found out as the Dragonborn, but they were all selfish wishes. If the Grey beards had never found her out, how many would have had to die? More than any war ever recorded surely, a war with dragons, hellfire raining from the sky onto children; no one would be saved. Her family or Tameriel, that was the constant question, Vilkas would never forgive her. He could understand leaving for months on end to clear a nest of vampires, but abandoning Tamriel to love her children, it was like she had adopted all of Tamriel, with one shout from the Grey Beards, it all changed.

Vilkas and I tromped through the forested region in Falkreath, or at least he tromped. I was taking him out to hunt today, he's hunted before but he's never been light footed a day in his life. Its been hours, and at this point I don't care if we catch anything. He and I are laughing and grinning from ear to ear. But then the silence takes over, he stated quietly," Aduial, please look at me, I've heard rumors that you run with the thieves and murderers, I need the truth." Here we go again, I hate this, I hate lying to him,

"I've never hurt anyone I haven't had to Vilkas. I wouldn't, you know me." My voice came out as this pleading tone, just what I wanted to try and avoid, perfect.

"Youre sure," he whispered, his voice low, "You're absolutely sure, that you have never killed anyone for the Dark Brotherhood, or stolen for the Thieves' guild? The guards, they whisper, so do the townspeople. Aduial, I can't live like this. I love you, more than anything or one in the world, but you can't lie to me like this. We can't both pretend that we know nothing; it feels like I barely connect with you anymore. "

I exhale, slowly to try and get a hold of myself, "And could you live with the truth? Would you leave me? I did what I had to when we had nothing to make a safe place for the future." That sounded a bit more condescending than I would have liked, but it got the point across.

"You sold yourself." He was angry, furious even. I wonder if he knows I am in charge of both organizations, he couldn't know, he would have left if he knew.

I looked down, I could not bare to look at him. The truth could come out now or later, the results would be the same if not worst if I waited. "Yes, I sold myself; our guards are courtesy of the Dark Brotherhood, not just our blood brothers and sisters. The large gem in our bedroom, is the right eye of the Falmer, its from the biggest job I've ever done for the Thieves' Guild, the left eye is in the Thieves' headquarters." Okay, it wasn't the biggest job, but he couldn't know what the Skeleton Key was, or that it existed, "Niruin, the Bosmer, he was my lover, before you. My first child, the one I had when we first met, Amrûn-" he cut me off.

"Say no more. I guessed as much." His disappointment hurt. His blank stare hurt more. I looked at the ground; I had no great lie or reason for it all. The silence consumed us, he started walking so I followed, and this could very well be the end of the only relationship that ever meant anything to me. I had to try and save this. I had to try and save him I had already destroyed all that I loved before Skyrim.


	2. Time To Think

He stopped at Whiterun, we hadn't talked since the forest. He was walking at a brisk pace, I could barely keep up, even with my natural speed being an elf. Just as we started to near the gates he slowed, a small miracle to me, I knew what was coming now. He leaned down to my ear casually and whispered,

"I'll stay at Jorrvaskar, go anyplace else. Please, just for tonight, I need to think." I swallowed hard, so this was it, the beginning of the end. His logic was ice cold and when he was hurt this badly he usually let go of all emotion. He would never stay, not after all my lies. I turned and walked down to the stable, I had to get far away. If he didn't know where I was it would give him time to change his mind about leaving, maybe, maybe, that was all I needed. It could save us, or it could be some selfish wish from a lonely girl, it would give me time to think and make meaningless promises to myself about how I would change to become a better person. I decided on Solitude, Vilkas hated it there, "Too many milk drinkers." He'd say, and that made it perfect, it was the last place he'd look. I wouldn't be too far from the kids, I could do some jobs, even with the sinking pit in my stomach telling me to throw up I felt strangely reassured.

I set off in the direction of Windhelm first, laying a false trail. I went in did some business, killed some bandits for a vengeful farmer, defeated a dragon, you know the usual. Went home dumped my stuff and snuck out through the sewers. Once out I headed for Ivarstead, I took as many main roads as I could find, talked to every caravan, cleared out every fort and cave, and then hit the local Inn. I honestly can't remember much after that until the next morning. My head hurt, but after the first few hours of riding I couldn't feel it anymore. I hit Riverwood next then went on foot to Dawnstar. After Dawnstar I found a new horse and went to Riften. Once in Riften I went through the secret entrance to the Theives' Guild and disappeared. Niruin was nowhere, thank the gods. I left the cistern and got into the Vaults, the thing about the vaults is that it has hundreds of hidden doors and tunnels that most never discover, and many of them lead to other holds. I unsheathe my dagger and start the long trek to Solitude.

The tunnels all look the same but there are ancient Shadow Marks along them, guiding me past businesses and houses. Someone needed to update these years ago, but I was on a mission. I had to get to Solitude; Solitude is my safe haven, where I can think. It seems like it's been a day, I've killed a few skeevers, but nothing really can get down here, most other humanoids don't know where to look to find openings to these tunnels; they're thieves own secret highways. Theoretically, you could disappear and reappear anyplace you wanted, as long as you knew where to look. I was close, I could feel it in my bones. The entrance to the sewer was right there, I slipped in, the sewers were free passage to anyplace in the city as long as there were no bad storms. I spotted the entrance to my home and threw open the hatch then pulled myself up, I was exhausted , I barely made it up. I crawled to the stairs where I forced myself onto my knees, then pulled myself onto my feet. I stumbled at first then leaned on the wall and worked my way up to my bed room, when I arrived I flopped down into the mattress, our mattress.

When I woke it must have been two or three in the morning. I walked down stairs to the cellar to get some wine. Jordis was probably in bed, or down at The Winking Skeever. I slumped into a chair near the fire pit and took a sip out of my bottle. I sense the shadows shift. I was unarmed and my armor was up stairs, all I had was spells.

"Jordis?"I whispered, scared, I didn't want a fight.

"Well that's insulting, does my figure really look that womanly? No she went out to drink, she won't be home for a while. I have to admit, you really know how to cover your trail." A voice retorted from the shadows. I sat straight up in my chair, I was awake now.


	3. Picking Up the Pieces

** I should have added that some of the names and nick names are in Sindarin, I don't know about the actual names from the game.**

He pulled down his hood, slowly, dramatically, like everything about him. His red hair to his sharp cheek bones, his scarred rough hands, everything about him, I knew so well. I swallowed hard, _why does he still have this tongue tying effect on me?_ "Niruin, so this is why you weren't at the guild." My voice came out raw. I had been found out.

"Don't act so put out, Bân." His arrogant voice softened at the end.

"You still call me that, after all this time?" I whispered disbelieving he remembered the nickname he gave me.

"How could I forget? The most beautiful elf I'd ever seen, who disappeared right from under my nose. I hadn't seen you in 15 years Aduial, until you walked into the cistern one day. Fate brought you to me." His arrogance was gone now; his voice was soft and low. My breath was gone. _He had barely said a sentence to me in what was it, seven years now, since I met Vilkas_.

"I'm sorry," My voice refused to come out but I managed to force it. "Niruin, Melui, I'm sorry for abandoning you, I – I didn't know what to do." My voice trembled badly; I was going to lose it soon.

"Well?" He said, the arrogance back just like it had never left, as he sat in the chair beside me. I lifted my head to look at him.

"Well what?" I retorted. He rolled his shoulders and sighed.

"There's trouble in paradise huh?" I leaned back in my chair and looked at the ceiling.

"He knows about my involvement with the guild and brotherhood. He's probably going to leave me." It came out in an exhausted sigh, "How long have you been waiting?"

"Oh, I don't know, three days since I saw you in Whiterun, so make it two and a half days, hiding from your drunken guard and her lovers." He was mixing mockery with sincerity, his norm, but it never failed to make me smile.

"Tell me she didn't do it on my bed?" I chuckled,_ Gods I hope she didn't or I might have to replace her_. He smirked and whispered,

"She didn't do it, but we can." He was joking, I hoped, his smirk spelled joke out, but the hunger in his eyes told the truth.

"No," I whispered," Not unless Vilkas leaves." He leaned back into his chair shook his head and smiled.

"He's got you wrapped around his finger, doesn't he? Your beautiful Nord man." He spat the words like bad ale from his beautiful mouth then scoffed. "What about you and me? What about Valenwood? I would have taken care of you, and you know that! All this time I waited for you, I searched." Now he just sounded raw, like every emotion came back up. Then suddenly his voice was low, "I guess that doesn't matter now, does it?" I dropped my head into my hands again and rubbed my temples. _Niruin would have never questioned me, and it all could have worked out.I could have loved him, but I screwed it all up._

"Melui, I was young and stupid, I still am. I-I thought you would leave, and I couldn't deal with the shame. When I joined up with the Companions, Vilkas, he accepted me; he made me feel safe for the first time in years." I said my voice barely squeaking out. He shook his head and laughed. Then stunning me like a slap in the face, I realized, _the guild accepted me first. _The Guild usually hazes new recruits with impossible tasks to see if they're trust worthy. I had one requirement _**one**_ to meet when I joined, and it was _nothing_ compared to the usual; that only happens when someone puts a good word in for you.

" You and I were talking again, we'd been friends for years when you met him, and I didn't make you feel safe? I wanted to marry you, I was going to ask and then I saw it. You followed him around like a puppy, Bân" His voice broke he was sobbing between words and my heart gave a sick twist, I always suspected but now hearing from him directly made it all too real. I stopped rubbing my temples and pulled my legs up onto the chair. He sat in his leaned back defeated; he laid himself out and open in front of me. When he got the nerve to look up my breath caught in my chest, his eyes were red and raw. I got up and sat beside his chair on the floor, then I took his hand and started rubbing my thumb over his scars. I looked up at him,

"Go upstairs and go to sleep, you need it." A smile crossed his lips, and he chuckled.

"You sound like my mother." _Of course I did, I've taken care of children for the past 22 years_, and I shook my head. He got up and started towards the stairs then turned.

"Come with me, nothing that would cause further conflict with Mr. Proudly Not a Milk Drinker, just company." I laughed _so this is what he called his whores; he always talked about starting a brothel, or he could be being sincere_. I got up and walked with him.


End file.
